"Uncle Julian, what's a Ex-Text?"
Well, Little
Timmy, an Ex-Text is when one of your ex-girlfriends/boyfriends text you out of
nowhere after an extended period of time. This could either be a gateway to a
possible friendship with the said Ex, or what I can only assume was God's
original last plague for Egypt, but due to the cell phone not being a thing
back then, he decided to wait and use it on us so it wouldn't be wasted.
You see, when
you receive an Ex-Text, you're not quite sure how to respond back to it. Do you
say "Hi" and pretend nothing is wrong? Do you just ignore it and move
on with your day? Do you yell (ALL CAPS, that's how you yell through text,
right?) at the person for thinking it was okay to just text you out of nowhere
even though they broke your heart and made you hate life for weeks on in and
get fat off junk food because all you wanted to do is die since they meant so
much to you and they just left you regardless?...hm...Truth is, no matter how
you react, it's going to end up the way your Ex wants it to end up. If she/he
wants it to end badly, it'll end badly, and vice versa.
"Gee, Uncle Julian. Did you ever get an Ex-Text?"
Well Timmy, if
you will just shut the hell up and not interrupt me, you'll find out. Yes, I
received several Ex-Texts rather recently, which is why I'm writing this damned
thing. I need to blow off some steam and get some things off my chest
because...*cough cough*...give me a minute...ahem...*deep
breath*...they...are...driving...me...INSANE! Hell, in the past three months,
five of my exes have text me, and only ONE of them has ended friendly. You know
why only one of them has ended well? Because she appears to actually want to
develop a friendship of sorts and NOT try to make me feel bad for past events.
Hold up, wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. You know what, let me just explain
some of the situations I'm talking about. I'll talk about three of the five,
just to give you an idea.
EX #1: This girl texts me about every other week for the
past...what is it...4 years now? Anyway, she follows a set pattern every time.
Starts off friendly, tries to make small talk (fails at it), then asks how I
feel about her, and then scolds me for not liking her anymore/attempts to make
me feel bad for her because "no one likes her". Here's the deal...it's freakin' old, I'm
tired of it, it's stupid, it's fake, and I hate it. Yes, I was the one who
broke up with her. Yes, I get how it is being broken up with. You still think
about the person, and wish they would change their mind and come back to you. I
get it, and I understand...for the first couple of weeks. This is 4 years we're
talking about. If you're still obsessing over a failed relationship for 4
years, then you need to see a therapist. And it wouldn't be so bad if she would
actually try to be a friend and talk to me about it, but no. She expects me to
get back together with her because I feel bad for her. No stable friendship, no
talking, just BAM!, together again.
That's what it
seems like, at least. I tried to be friends with her, asking her if she wanted
to hang out so that maybe we could renew our friendship...but every time it's
always the same answer, "No, I'm busy". Well, shit! In that case,
let's skip all logic and start dating now! Bullshit! Just recently, I found out
something about my relationships in general, and it applies here...I break up
with people for a reason, and no matter how many times I try to re-date the
same person, that reason is always there, and will 95% of the time cause the
relationship to fail again, and again, and again. So, I've decided to never
date Exes, because when I think "why did we break up in the first
place?", I remember what made it crumble, and I know it'll probably happen
again. If it didn't work the first time, why would it work the next 3 times? My
life's not a romance movie, things don't just get better with a dance and a
kiss, at least in my case. I liked to move fast, and it was not always for the
best...Now I'm trying to slow down, so I don't set myself for failure...Whoa,
I'm off topic again...let's move on.
EX #2: This one more irks than upsets me. This girl and I
exchange texts every so often, and before it was just small talk. You know,
"How are you?", yadda yadda. Nothing bad...before I go on, let me
explain how I used to feel about her...I was madly in love with this woman. By
madly in love, I meant non-stop thinking of her and junk. She did have some
annoying aspects, like waking me up in 6 a.m in the morning, but I was able to
look past that. Here's the twist: I broke up with her. Yep, loved her, dumped
her, I'm a horrible person. I can't even honestly say why I broke it off
because I'm not even completely sure myself, though I believe it had something
to do with a combination of factors. For one, she had a responsibility more
important than me, and I thought she might
have been focusing on me more than the said responsibility. I'm all for
attention...but not when the attention is needed somewhere of more importance
than I. Two, I felt that I might have been making a mistake if I stayed with
her. I just turned 18, and I just felt...I don't know...that it was too early
to settle down with someone while I'm still so young. We were already talking
about moving in together and a future, yet we only dated for about three
months...too fast, I thought...I didn't want to rush into a future with
someone. So yes, I loved her, I felt like shit for weeks on in after the break
up, even tried to get back with her. She said no, which is for the best. Didn't
want history to repeat itself, which it would have. Break ups happen for a
reason, and the reason is always there no matter what.
Now that's
said, let's jump forward to now. I am not in love with her anymore, got over
that months ago. And now what started off as just small talk texts has turned
into "let me mention my boyfriend first chance I get" texts. Listen,
I don't give a shit about your boyfriend, okay? I try not to mention anything
about relationships when I talk to an Ex because, and this is the kicker, I
DON'T WANT TO MAKE THINGS AWKWARD. We dated, we were an item for a time, why do
you think I'd want know about your relationship now? When we text, I want to
know how YOU are doing, not some guy I don't even know.
"My bf just did this and that lol"
MY GOD! STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES! LET ME DIVERT ALL MY
ATTENTION TO HEARING YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND, BECAUSE I ONLY TALK TO YOU
TO SEE HOW HE'S DOING!
Maybe I'm
overreacting a bit. Maybe its just me, you know? It's just that unless I
specifically ask you "how's your man doing?", I don't want to know.
Leave those details out, otherwise I assume the only reason you're telling me
about him is to rub it in my face.
"My bf just did this for me, and he did that for me,
and it's great to be in a relationship and loved and lololololol"
Ha ha, well
then, I guess you're doing far better than me. Obviously, my life is inferior
to that of yours because I currently have no one to spend my time with. Except,
you know, the group of friends that listen to me and hang out with me because
they care for my well being. The group of friends that try to cheer me up when
I'm down (which I commend them, because it's not an easy feat) instead of just
ignoring how I feel and changing the subject. But, you know, good for you.
I don't
dislike her or anything, I'm just unsettled by her new habit. Still, I wish her
a good, happy life and hope she accomplishes what she wants to do.
EX #3: This girl....THIS GIRL...is the one that I'm on
friendly terms with. We were able to form a good friendship even though our
past relationship had failed. Which is surprising, because she broke up with
me, and I usually hold a grudge for that. It took a few months, but I'm happy
to say that we're friends. Hell, we even hang out occasionally. So how did this happen? Why did a friendship bud between us?
Because she didn't do anything to make things awkward, and I didn't do anything
to piss her off. We just started talking again, acknowledged we had stuff in
common, and instead of letting the past destroy any bond we had, we just left
it as it is...the past. We began anew, and now I'm happy when I get a text from
her because I know we are friends. No tricks, no grudges, no problems. Simple
as that.
Well, this
whole deal went on longer than I thought it would, and I tell you, I feel a lot
better. Is all of this biased? Maybe. Am I completely wrong on every aspect?
Possibly. But, this was just what I think currently. Everyone has their own
ways if thinking, and this is just mine.
One other
thing though, I'm just curious as to why people hold onto the past? Onto people
that hurt them, yet they still wish to be with them? Wouldn't it make more
sense to let the past go and look for someone better? Yeah, it's scary, but you
never know who's out there. Like right now, I have several Exes talking to me,
but instead of trying to settle with one of them, I'm trying to find someone
new, to take a chance and see what happens. For example, I like this girl who
I've only know for about 10 months, and I really want to see if I have a shot
with her. She's beautiful, smart, interesting...everything that I probably
don't deserve. I'm quite sure she doesn't feel the same for me, but I'm not
going to let up until she says it herself. Who knows? All I do know is I'm
tired of chasing past flames, so I'm trying to mold a new candle to burn...that
was cheesy, I know, but cheese is good on tacos, so it's not all bad. I have nothing else to say on the matter, so
that's all my coffee.
-Julian
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